Gone Girl

Gone Girl has been out for multiple years now, but I finally saw it.

Here are the deep thoughts that I have about the movie, deep thoughts that I'm sure a freshman film studies student would already have responses to.

One. What was the actual state of the marriage? As a bigger question, what was Amy's motivation? Did she keep NPH on the hook for years just so she could play something like this out?

Two. (Kind of a refinement of my last question) Was this all an opportunity to show up "Amazing Amy". One one hand, we have an example of real twins who go to the ends of the Earth to support each other. Is Amy motivated by the twin that always showed her up?

Three. Why didn't the redneck robbers ever come back out of the woodwork? That's the thing that could have brought down the evil plan.

Four. Madea, Esq. said the defense was to change public perception until the jury could reach a non-guilty verdict. I found it really interesting that the view of the movie followed the exact opposite opinion train on Amy.


Mad Max: Fury Road

In which our hero, Max Rockatansky, and seven other people drive something less than 100 miles while using largely improvised weapons to fight off a huge band of maniacs and berzerk warriors also using largely improvised weapons to stop them. That's pretty much the whole movie, in a very minimal sense.

From an action standpoint, the movie never stops. Even the quiet points have key characters held at gunpoint. And the loud points, well, the loud points are amazing. They make you want to look away, but the visuals are so amazing that you can't.

But then we have to ask who the heroes of the movie actually are... Is Max a hero? I've been reading the "How to Train Your Dragon" series of books by Cressida Cowell and I think that gives us a pretty good definition of what a hero is. It's something along the lines of someone who fights for what is right, regardless of the consequences or the final outcome. Max definitely isn't a hero by that definition. Even in the original Mad Max, Max wasn't a hero. He wasn't fighting for some universal sense of right, he was blindly trying to stop inevitable change. Then, after he lost everything, he was ineffectual in getting revenge and succeeded only because the bad guys made terrible choices. In this movie too, he's ineffectual. He's blown up, dragged around, shot. He'll fight, but it's because he just wants to be a bard in some quiet place, not out of any sense of fighting for what's right.

Is Furiosa the hero then? She is if your definition of hero relies on people who fail to understand how the world works. Frankly, she's Christopher Columbus. She thinks that she has some great idea that everyone has overlooked, but, in reality, she's wrong and only succeeds in the end through luck. Columbus thought everyone else was wrong and the Earth was small, would would allow him to sail west to India. He would have died if there hadn't turned out to be a set of continents in his way. Similarly, Furiosa would have killed everyone through her quest if Max hadn't said "hey, lets just go back".

Obviously Immortal Joe, the Bullet Farmer, and the People Eater aren't heroes either. Their lives are based entirely on oppressing everyone around them and trying to continue the oppression for as long as possible.

Are the wives heroes then? They definitely make motions in that direction. They make a daring escape from captivity (and convince Furiosa to help them escape) and they were willing to pay with their lives for what they thought was right. Unfortunately, given the limited resources of the Citadel, it seems like they've only postponing the inevitable.

My vote for the real hero of the film in Nux, the war boy. In any situation that he's in, he works to do his best. And, when faced with a true right or wrong situation, he fights to help the wives. In the end, he even sacrifices himself. Never mind the fact that you end up with the same negative from the wives...

In the end, the movie left me with a couple big questions...
Why are the names only ridiculous outside of the movie?
What's with the silver spray paint? Is it literal spray paint so the war boys can be "shiny and chrome" or is it something symbolic? Or are they just huffing before they die?

Onward! It sounds like Tom Hardy signed on for three more sequels.


The 50 Shades Movie

First off all, it's not a movie I'm going to go see. But it is a movie that I'm going to make fun of and tell some anecdotes about.

  • Apparently the hype for it is really big in the midwest and south. Which sort of figures... if you live somewhere nearly worthless, escaping into fiction might be the best thing to do. That and meth.
  • In the pictures from the premier, it's so obvious that the leads have amazing chemistry! Woo, hot stuff. (Actually, it looks a lot like my junior year prom pictures where I looked like a terrified deer in headlights.)
  • I wonder how they're going to cover some of the topics in the movie. Like the fact that Anastasia manages to deep throat Christian perfectly in her very first sexual experience. I'm guessing that won't make it into the movie.
  • In one online forum, there was a statement "Sure, but if you *do* go to the movie keep your eye on any milfs with chokers on. They’ll be the frisky ones." God, can you imagine how uncomfortable that would be?
  • In turn, that reminds me of a flight I took where the women sitting next to me pulled out 50 Shades, tucked it inside another book's dust cover, and started reading. My thought was "weird, but way better than a guy pulling out a playboy to read". Then the heavy breathing started though. I have to admit that there was a slight temptation to lean over and say "Did you know that E. L. James based part of Christian's character on me." I probably could have remembered enough of the story to make it seem somewhat plausible.
  • That said, despite being really fucked up, there's a chance that Christian is a better person than me.

    Former Jelasco Shark Wikipedia Page

    Damn editors don't know a real thing when they see it!

    Original Article
    The Jelasco "common" shark or Hybodontiformes cirratum, is a shark in the Orectolobiformes family, and genus hybodontiformes. Their common name derives from Bill Jelasco, a prominent scientist until he became a communist. The board of science (BOS) has decided to change the common name to the Jelasco common shark in order to belittle his discovery. They are the only venomous shark and due to their rarity, there have only been three recorded deaths since 2005. Steve Irwin once described this shark as "He's angry!"

    Distribution and habitat
    The Jelasco shark is mainly found in the South Pacific, specifically near the Great Barrier Reef. They are a migratory species. The Jelasco shark is found at depths greater than 20 meters but occasionally will surface to munch on tender fishies.

    Behavior and diet
    Jelasco sharks are diurnal animals, and are solitary hunters who spend the nights in underwater caves in schools up to fifty. Only one account of an underwater cave dwelling has been reported. Scientific studies have revealed that Jelasco sharks predominantly prey upon electric eels by injecting them with venom in a single bite and then swimming away rapidly. The venom of the Jelasco shark is slow-acting, so the shark will follow the prey for up to twelve hours before the eel will die.

    Jelasco sharks have been reported to lick the barnacles on piers, often in groups.

    Jelasco sharks have been reported to swim towards shore in a line of three or four and then float with their noses pointing towards the beach for hours on end. This unusual behavior has been interpreted as foreplay, as the sharks will often mate in a group following this action. There are two mating seasons, one in fall and one in spring. Jelasco sharks are ovoviviparous, meaning the eggs develop and hatch within the body of the female. The gestation period for Jelasco sharks is eight months, and up 3 pups will be born. The average reported lifespan of a Jelasco shark is ten years, as they often die in hunting their unusual prey.

    Interaction with humans
    The Jelasco shark is not actively hunted by humans, but two of the incidences of death have occurred when an unsuspecting fisherman has accidentally netted a Jelasco shark and subsequently been injected with the venom. The other case of death occurred as a beachgoer in Australia disturbed the strange mating ritual.


    Trolling the Right Wing

    I thought that this was far too funny not to post. It raises the question of how you deal with people who absolutely believe something that you absolutely believe is wrong. This couple decided to use humor, which is probably as good of a way to do it as any other. Not that it changes the pro-choice people's minds or gives much more than a little feeling of self-satisfaction...

    In my idealized world, we wouldn't need abortion clinics because everyone would have information and access to birth control so abortion could be a very rare thing that was only used in cases where lots of things failed.

    Your moment of comedy:

    from http://saturdaychores.tumblr.com


    Drobos are such pieces of shit

    The question is how they were able to sell so many network drives that could only move ~30 MB/s on a good day. (And way the fuck less on a bad day.)

    Question number two is, of course, why I bought such a piece of shit.

    The answer now is to switch to a Synology box, but there's no such thing as a cheap one of those. Maybe I just build my own solution. Something with a btrfs system. 🙂