Lexicon: Lollypopapalooza

I has come to my attention that there is a family stage at Lollapalooza. WTF? Or in the words of Tony Kornheiser, when did that happen? They're calling it Kidsapalooza, but I like my title better.

I discovered this fact while reading an article on the neverending-and-stomach-churning-saga-of-stupid-Brett-Fah-vrah: the thesis was that both Slash and Favre are above the law, but I have to salute the creative opening and the laugh-out-loud story, which I will quote directly b/c I'm lazy.

We have Slash to thank. He and Perry Farrell were the headliners at the kid's stage on Sunday. Slash walked out wearing a hat that said "(expletive)" in large, black letters. He lit a cigarette, then flicked it into the crowd of children at the conclusion of "Knockin' on Heaven's Door." A young boy caught it, dropped it when it singed his hand, then picked it up again and screamed excitedly.

Slash was awesome. And the kids seemed to fully appreciate his awesomeness, even though most of them were not yet 10. He just stood there, rocking, smoking, wearing the obscene hat, and a bunch of very small children loved him.

After the set, it seemed necessary to have a brief evils-of-smoking discussion with my daughter, since we'd both just lunged for a discarded cigarette. But she cut me off.

"Duh, he's a rock star. He can do whatever."

There are certain lessons that only Slash can teach your kid, and that's one of them. The rules are very different for rock stars.


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"O Whisky! soul o' plays and pranks! Accept a bardie's gratfu' thanks! When wanting thee, what tuneless cranks Are my poor verses! Thou comes-they rattle in their ranks, At ither's a-s!" Robert Burns - "Scotch Drink" 1785