Asking the Audience…
Posted by Tim.
So, I’m not sure I need much help with this one, but I figure it can’t hurt to solicit the opinions of y’all out there in blog-land. (I did file this one under “problems”, but mostly because it didn’t fit as well in any other category, not so much because it’s really a big problem yet.)
Anyways, here’s the deal: many of y’all know I’ve got to go be the best man in my good buddy John’s wedding (my roommate during my last year or so in Houston) at the beginning of March. As part of my duties, John has told me that I’ll be expected to make a toast at a certain point during the festivities. There’s nothing surprising about this task, but I figure I ought to put a little forethought into it, on account of it ain’t my big day to ruin, and I’d hate to do so by shooting from the hip.
That’s where y’all come in. See, I’m not really looking for help on what exactly I should say, but rather some general guidelines as to what y’all think is fitting, appropriate, and/or worthwhile to say. I’m still much better extemporaneously than I’ve ever been with complete preparation, so I won’t be commiting exact phrases to notecards or anything, and I can’t say anything utterly false without telegraphing that I’m lying (not that I need to make anything up), so what I wind up saying will inevitably be honest and natural. I just want to hear what y’all have to say as a way to get me started in the thinking process.
Once I’ve thought it over enough, what I’ll want to say will be about as perfect as I can manage it, but I’d appreciate y’all’s feedback to help jumpstart me. Okay, I’m done ramblin’ now. Honest.
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January 15th, 2006 at 7:04 pm Using
My “Best Man” speech certainly was nothing awesome, but in the end it was (a) from the heart and (b) about a good guy, so it worked out okay.
That said, preparation helps – I had rolled what I was going to say over in my head in a general sort of way, but it still would have helped to have practiced more.
Those qualifiers aside, my advice:
(1) As you say, it’s not your say, it’s his/theirs. So, keep it short – I think ~45seconds-2minutes or something like that?
(2) Make sure that the story/anecdote you’re gonna tell is universal – if you’re not sure try it out on a girl, a mom, a 50+, and make sure they get the joke, etc.
(3) He chose you to be Best Man for a reason, so make sure to thank him (and both sets of parents), maybe as a good intro.
(4) Getting back to the meat of your toast – pick a story that might make fun of him a little, but in a good way, and focuses on how lucky he is/she is/they are, how he/they are people to admire, etc.
This is pretty darn obvious advice, but hopefully useful. My toast ended up being “he’s a good guy, and whenever a female friend used to come to me saying ‘i give up on men’ I’d say ‘well, i know of at least one good single guy’… but now, ladies, you’re hosed. give up now, because David’s off the market”.
Given your general speaking abilities and Southern +3 charm bonus, you’ll do fine, but good luck. Happy to brainstorm in person iffenyawant.
January 15th, 2006 at 7:07 pm Using
My other advice consists of Irish toasts from my family, but those aren’t really of much use to you…
just for fun, though, here’s one of my favorites:
“here’s to the nights of sweet repose,
when it’s tummy to tummy and toes to toes.
here’s to the nights of sweet delight,
and then it’s hiney to hiney all through the night.”
P.S. if there are any cuties that you’re angling for (and I’m betting there will be), a good toast will give you nice fodder for introductions/lines/etc. work it, dude.
January 16th, 2006 at 2:54 pm Using
At my wedding the best man and the maid of honor both gave little toasts which were kind of forced and amazing respectively. So I feel like I can sort of give a do’s and don’ts.
Keep it short. I think a minute is sort of the long side… just enough time for one nice quick story.
Don’t force any jokes.
Keep it relaxed.
Address it more to the bride and groom rather than the general population. It’s really a toast for them that everyone else is allowed to hear. (On the other hand, no inside jokes that no one else would find interesting.)
Make sure everyone can hear you, but avoid using a “I’m in 8th grade and this is the voice that I use when I’m talking to groups” sort of voice.
Memorize what you want to say… not necessarily word for word, but have the ideas fresh in your head.
Anyway, my best man stood up, pulled a small stack of 3×5 cards from his tux, waited for everyone to be quiet, and then formally addressed everyone. He was really nervous, mumbled a bit, and everyone clapped. It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t “great”. The maid of honor stood up, waited a second, and then just went for it, talking more to Kirsten and I than to the audience. Anyway, I can still remember at lot of what she said, but can’t remember anything about the best man’s toast.
January 17th, 2006 at 9:59 am Using
Thanks for sharing y’all’s advice/experiences/suggestions.
Showing some gratitude to the families sounds like a good way to start, and I agree that anything pushing a minute is probably too long for a toast.
I think I need Nathaniel to demonstrate the sort of voice that indicates, “I’m in 8th grad and this is the voice that I sue when I’m talking to groups,” as that is something I would definitely like to avoid.
And I’ll leave the saucy Irish toasts to those times I have the occassion to visit with the couple away from their assembled family and friends.